#Everyday I surprise myself with everything I do in the kitchen

[peaceeandcoolestvibes]

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[strniohoeee]

chris giving reader the princess treatment

My Baby

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is Chris’ baby, and he would do anything for her. Even if it means walking in the rain because he loves her🌱

Warnings⚠️: None but like this shit gave me butterflies and this isn’t even my man LORDDD😭😭 also it’s kinda short

Song for the imagine: So Into You- Tamia

I really like what you’ve done to me

I can’t really explain

I am so into you

I slid my socks on and grabbed my purse and phone, quickly spritzing myself with perfume as I shut the light and walked out my room.

Placing my phone and purse down my apartment door rattled with the knock of a fist. I slowly walked over to the door and opened it. Smiling as I saw Chris

“Hi baby” he said leaning down and pecking my lips

“Come in” I said moving out the way for him to walk in

I walked ahead of him and let him shut my door, turning around to be surprised with a bouquet of flowers.

“Chrissss” I said with an open mouth and bright eyes

“For my princess” he said winking at me

“Thank you my love” I said taking the flowers to the kitchen and placing them in a vase with water

“You’re welcome baby” he said leaning on the island as he watched me place them on the counter

“I just have to put my shoes on and then we can go” I said

I grabbed my purse and phone and walked over to the shoe rack, Chris tracking behind

I couldn’t slip my foot into my platform uggs, so I placed my hand out to balance myself when suddenly Chris grabbed my hand and helped me balance myself

“Thank you” I said looking up at him as I placed my other boot on and he nodded while smiling

He opened the door for me and let me walk out, shutting the door behind me and allowing me to lock it.

“Before we go to the mall, do you want to hit up Starbucks?” He asked me as we walked down the stairs

“Yes my love” I said looking back at him

When we got to his car (ik he can’t drive but shhhh) he opened the passenger door for me allowing me to get in before shutting the door

Hopping in he backed out and we made our way to my local Starbucks. Waiting in the drive thru line as we talked about what was new which wasn’t much because I saw him about everyday.

We ordered our drinks and he paid.

“Thank you but it should’ve been my treat” I said taking a sip of my coffee

“You pay? Don’t ever say no outlandish shit like that again” he said raising a brow at me

“Chris please” I said playfully smacking him

We opted for an outdoor outlet mall because it would be less crowded. Chris parked and came to my side opening the door and grabbing my hand to help me out

I was wearing leggings with no pockets and brought a small purse so I was struggling carrying my phone, coffee and bag.

Before crossing over to the street Chris’s grabbed my purse and held it for me

“I can hold it” I said laughing

“I got it, you’re struggling to hold everything” he said looking both ways so we could cross

“It was fine babe” I said walking across the street

Chris slowly came around me walking on the outside and keeping me close to the parked cars.

“And beat me looking this stylish holding your bag? I mean look at me I’m a babe” he said posing with the purse

“That is true, you do look cute” I said shrugging my shoulders

“Case settled” he said winking at me as we walked towards some stores

Chris and I were shopping for a bit, and anything I grabbed he took and got me. I appreciated it, but this boy was treating me too well.

“Christopherrrrr” I whined as he got on the line to check out

“Y/NNNNNN” he whined back looking at me

“Why are you buying me everything” I said huffing at him

“Because you’re my girl? And I want to spoil you” he said shrugging his shoulders

“But you always spoil me and plus I have those boots in black” I said pointing to the platform uggs I was currently wearing

“Okay and now you have them in blue duhh” he said smirking at me

It was a pointless argument because he would never tell me no. So I sucked it up and let him buy me my shoes.

We went to a few stores he liked and I was able to return the favor and get him some shoes and shirts that he liked.

The mall had a restaurant, so we decided to eat dinner and relax our feet.

“Thank you Chris for everything you do, I really appreciate it” I said taking a sip of my soda

“Of course baby I got you” he said nodding his head

“Want to spend the night?” I asked him

“Yes” he said almost instantly

“Good and then we can take a bubble bath and I’ll give you a back rub” I said smiling at him

“Ouuu you’re too good to me” he said caressing his heart

“And maybe even- but I was cut off my him

“Maybe even a dick rub?” He said laughing

“Christopher” I said bluntly giving him a glare

“I’m kiddingggg I’m just joking” he said laughing

“Yeah you better be or you can sleep on the couch” I said pointing my finger at him

Chris and I had finished our dinner and he decided to get a dessert. Our personal favorite. a warm brownie with vanilla ice cream.

“This is why I love you because you let me get dessert Nick and Matt never let me get one” he said frowning

“Aww my poor baby” I said pouting and rubbing his chin

The waiter came back with our dessert, but they only gave us one spoon. There was something so intimate about sharing a spoon. It seems corny, but the idea always gave me butterflies. To be so close and in love that sharing a spoon didn’t seem gross or weird.

Chris took the spoon and cut the brownie getting some ice cream with it and brought the spoon towards me. I opened my mouth and he put it in my mouth.

Being fed dessert by the love of my life was not on my bingo cards, but I’m glad it was happening.

We sat sharing the dessert, my eyes darting to him as he looked out the window licking the brownie off the spoon like it was nothing. It made my heart explode and my stomach flutter. I mean sharing a utensil is nothing compared to the things we’ve done, but it made me flustered….

Soon after we finished and when the check came he almost immediately snatched it from the table not letting me take a glance.

“I just wanted to look” I said

“Yeah right I know your trick your pretty eyes can’t fool me” he said looking at me over the checkbook

I playfully rolled my eyes and smirked.

After paying we grabbed our bags and walked outside and realized it was raining

“Oh shit” I said stepping back under the awning

“Give me the bags and I’ll go get the car” Chris said

“No it’s fine I’ll walk” I said looking at him

“Babe just give me the bags and I’ll be back” he said taking the bags from me

Chris quickly walked to the car across the street, smiling to myself at his actions.

About five minutes later he drove up to the restaurant putting his hazard lights on and getting out. Running over to me with a hoodie in his hand and placing it over my head as we ran to the car. He opened the passenger door for me allowing me to get in without barely getting wet

However Chris was soaked when he got in the driver seat.

“Aww Chris you’re all wet I feel bad” I said as he put the heat on and drove off

“It’s okay baby I’ll change at your house” he said looking at me and smiling

When we got back to the house we placed our stuff down and headed to the bathroom. Taking a warm bubble bath together to warm ourselves up. Chris shampooed my hair for me and me rubbing his back as we indulged in the warm water.

I was soo in love with him and all he does for me<3

The End

I’m just rolling these bad boys outttt. I hope you enjoyed this one. The rest of my stories are all Matt LMAOAOA😭😭 love yall 🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[majulians-groupie]

Coloring books and comfort🤍☁️✨️

SOOOO a friend of mine got me a coloring book and I had an epiphany..

Steve Rogers is canonically an artist,SO WHAT IF reader gave him a coloring book as a gift to help him deal with stress by expressing his creativity..

🪷*I guess it would go like this:*🪷

Warnings:gn!reader,use of y/n once,mentions of stress,insomnia and pressure,mild flirting

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Its early in the morning.You walk into the compound kitchen to make some coffee and to your surprise,you find Steve already sitting in the kitchen island,a cup of warm tea on his side and his head  between his hands.You know better than to startle him,so to move towards him slowly

-"Heyy.."

You put a hand on his shoulder

"Everything alright cap"?

He still got a bit startled.

-"Um..hi...hello.Didnt see you there".

He gives you a weak smile

-"That wouldn't be easy with your head in your arms now wouldn't it?"

He tuts.

-"I guess so..."

-"Well...is everything alright?You seem tired..

-"I..." he takes a deep breath.

"I am not exactly tired.

Well yeah..I AM tired,just...not in a "I want to sleep the rest of the morning off"tired.Not that I can really sleep either way but..it is mostly that my mind feels like it is stuck inside an endless fog,and whenever I try to find a clear opening,a new problem appears.

-"You have trouble with sleeping"?

-"I think it is just that my biological clock is messed up.You know,from missions and stuff.I return home at odd hours so end up waking up also late..It's weird now that I'm having the whole week off.I have to admit I spend a lot of time staring at the celling before dozing off"

-"I see.."

-"It's not such a-''

You give him a look.

-"Alright...alright it is a big deal.I guess I need to find something to do.Sam's been telling me to find a life outside the captain america thing.

You set your coffee down and you sit next to Steve,putting a plate of the oatmeal cookies-recipe stolen from Sam's sister-in front of him.You know they were his favorites,and you doubt he had any breakfast.

-"It doesn't sound like a bad idea,you could actually really use some 'me time'.

-"But my schedule is already tight as it is,and between missions and working out,I am beat.I don't think I have the energy to use the few hours I have for myself in the weekends to drive to the city to do something.Besides,my hours are constantly changing,so anything such as a class,or a volunteering thing that has responsibility is not a choice for me."

-"Woah woah there,lets take it slow.Start with something small.If you want my opinion,you really sound like you need a more personal hobby.Dont get me wrong,volunteering is sweet,but you already spend your everyday life helping people and fighting the bad guys.Also,no such thing as a class.You need to do something relaxing,something that shuts your mind off and isn't physically exhausting."

-"Such as?"

You take a sip of your coffee and take a moment to think

-"Don't you sketch?"

-"Yeah but as much as I enjoy sketching it does not turn my mind off.It actually makes me even more anxious.Trust me,my perfectionist side can be scary.."

You stare at him

-"OH trust ME Steve,I know.We've done countless of missions together.Believe it or not,I'M AWARE."

He gave you a light chuckle.

-"I once tried to sketch after a mission on the way home in the jet and I almost had a mental breakdown."

You sigh and stare off, outside the window,before speaking.The compound is always so serene when it is early,and the morning fog makes the bland and almost pretentious  lawn look like part of a movie setting.

-"Yeah...I..I...,I get you.I also felt as if the only way to shut my mind off was sleeping,and when that couldn't happen because of my insomnia,I was..restless..irritable.We do a highly stressful job,and I guess the adrenaline takes a long time to wear off.And I don't even have any kind of star-spangled persona to carry home with me."

You think you almost saw Steve giving you a soft look before he merely sighed as well and spaced out,staring where you had been looking into before.

-"Have I ever talked you about my latest hyperfixation?I have a new favourite way to spend my Sunday evenings."

-"Really?What is it?Did you discover another book series?Is the protagonist hot but relentlessly grumpy?"

-"NO...Well...not this time.My sister actually got me a coloring book and some markers.You know,I have the same problen with sketching.It is simply not what can help me when I need to relax.A nice hobby?Yeah.My favorite way to spend my time when feel creative?Definitely.But for sure not something to unwind.The coloring book though actually seems to do the work.Not having to create something from the start seemed to help.And there so many styles and artists out there!

He seemed surprised and took a good look at you.

-"A...coloring book?Like the ones children have?"

You snort

-"Oh my god,YES Steve,but try it more like the 21st century, adults can have nice things too.How can you not have seen or head about them..they're all over TikTok!

-"I dont have TikTok.."

-"Of course you dont.ANYWAY...it's actually really cool.It is something very creative that takes up all of your focus but you dont have to work up towards any expectations-you give him a look-or results unless you want to or are in the mood to add extra stuff on your own."

Steve seems to give it a thought

"I guess the way you describe it...,indeed it makes it sound cool.Thanks,y/n I will check it out later.Maybe can find some on the internet.."

You know he won't.It is not that he doesn't want to,but you know Steve.His mind is all over the place.He has a million things to do,a million places to be,and for a guy whose system got pumped up with a miracle superhuman serum,a TERRIBLE memory.So,you decided it's time to get him little gift.

You opened your computer and ordered your favorite coloring book and a package with the basic colors from your favorite marker brand online.It was a little expensive but if it helped Steve,it was worth it.

Lately his crazy routine and overwhelming responsibilities are starting to catch up on him,and honestly,it makes you worry.You're not the only one who has noticed.You have also caught both Sam and Bucky staring at him with concern on moments he seems off.More often than not he either spaces out,staring at walls for minutes or becomes extremely restless,constantly frowning and tapping his foot on the ground.

After a few days,the book and the markers arrived.You put them both in a cute box and wrapped it up carefully.You put the small package outside his door,along with a box of his favorite tea,and a note.

-Next morning,-as every morning of the last 15 days-you find Steve already in the kitchen.This time though,next to his coffee is the coloring book you gave him.

You go up to him with a smile.

-"Do you like it?"

He also gives you a warm smile in return.

-"Actually yeah.To be entirely honest,I kinda doubted it at first.But..I gotta admit,it is lowkey addicting.Thank you sweetheart,it was...really nice..and considerate of you."

You both blush like the idiots you are

-"Don't mention it,it was nothing.I'm really happy you liked it.

You give his shoulder a squeeze and,as every morning, you put a plate of cookies in front of him.

-"Now I just have to find a way to bring it on missions with me."

-"You're afraid that the big serious Captain America will be seen with a coloring book?"

-"You will be surprised how many people only respect you if you fit their own criteria of what your image should be"

His words sting a little.Sometimes you can't keep but wonder if all that pressure on his shoulders in necessary.

-"Sorry to hear that.Should me and Nat need to teach some new recruits manners?"You nudge him playfully.

-"Leave the kids alone" he said with a sigh."It's not them thats the problem either way."

You think that actually sounds worse,but you keep from telling him.You don't think it's the time for a discussion like that.It's early,and for duck's shake Steve actually looks calm after a long time.

-"You're no fun" you whine

He gives you a look.

-"Whatever,hide who you truly are Steve Rogers..an artist first and fore foremost,ALWAYS AND FOREVER,forced to become a war mastermind by society, a poet that had to be king-OWW-

He threw a pillow at your face.

P.S: Steve finished his book and actually asked you for recommendations to buy more.He got Bucky one as well.Seeing them draw together was the most surreal thing ever,but it was worth it.Sam couldnt stop himself from taking a picture.Bucky threatened him and he claims to have it deleted,but you are pretty sure it is still there.Bucky never finds out how phones work.Life is good.

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SOO..that was all folks.I hope you enjoyed reading.I wasn't very sure about this but I eventually decided to post it.Sorry for grammar and syntax mistakes,English is not my native language.Feedback is always welcome🩷

[fandom-lover2]

Deep In The Woods, Something Lingers In The Trees

Chapter Four - A Troop Of Two

Word Count - 2230

Chapter Three - Like Tarzan And Jane Do

Chapter Five - Scientists Always Spoil The Fun

My eyes fluttered open slowly. It was quiet, peaceful. Outside, birds called cheerfully to one another.

Beyond that, the ever present dull of the city beyond. I could hear distant voices, followed by a child’s laugh. The neighbours, no doubt. Kids playing on the street.

I yawned, stretching as I rolled over and prepared to go back to sleep when my eyes flicked open one more time and an almost human, hairy face greeted me.

I shrieked, moving backwards, which then led to me falling out of a bed much smaller than my own and landing harshly on the ground.

Caesar jumped up onto his bed after me, looking over the edge.

Right, I hadn’t gone home.

One minute Caesar was showing me how one of his games worked, our sign language lesson had taken a break, and then I woke up curled up in his bed.

Damn, I fell asleep, in a stranger’s home, with a fucking chimpanzee. I was shit sacred of him six hours ago and now I’m crashing in his bed?

Caesar called down to me, looking uneasy.

“I’m fine.” I reassured, beginning to untangle myself from the blanket I’d taken with me on my way down.

Caesar then began to laugh, more like huffs than the actual sound but the gesture was the same.

 “It’s not funny.” I glared up at him.

The attic steps creaked as someone made their way up and Will, Ceasar’s dad (I had learnt the sign for father), popped his head up. “Everything alright?” he called.

“Fine.” I answered, standing. “Fell asleep and woke up to a very unexpected face, is all.”

Will smiled in understanding, nodding. “Yeah, you looked dead on your feet. Surprised you managed to stay awake that long.”

I sat up, stretching as I did. Damn, I needed this.

“Well, you slept through lunch, and most of the afternoon.” Will continued. “We’ll be having dinner in about an hour. You are welcome, if you’d like.”

I glanced over at the clock on Caesar’s bedside. 4.30pm. My parents would be home in about an hour. There was probably a pile of dishes in the kitchen and a full laundry room to get back to. Nevermind all the school work that was probably sent through. If I wanted to make the walk on Sunday….

Wait, Caesar was at the forest on Sunday last week. Would he be there again this week?

“I should probably head home.” I decided, standing and putting Caesar’s blanket back on his bed.

I looked over to Caesar, at his sad expression, complete with a pouty lip and all.

“I’m sorry, but I need to go be a boring human.”

Caesar nodded, still sad but understanding and leapt off his bed and retrieved my jacket I had hung over his desk chair.

We headed for the front door, Charles, Will’s father, meeting us at the door to see me off.

“Don’t be a stranger now.” He placed a hand on my shoulder as I passed.

I nodded in reply.

Caesar made a barking grunt, tugging on Will’s pants and then signing in a hurry.

“He’s asking if you’ll come back.” Will filled in, looking over me to as if he too wanted the answer.

Did I want to come back? I mean, today was the most fun I had in probably my entire life. Caesar just got me, enough though he wasn’t human. We got each other. Both looking out at a world we couldn’t join, both young and eager to experience life.

Caesar was teaching me to understand him, and Youtube videos would fill in where he could not.

But it was more than that, we understood one another’s souls. He was not human, not on the outside, but on the inside there was something in him that made him better than most I knew. Made him more. He was funny, and fun to be around, and insanely smart and kind. He was gentle, and a bit stupid that only a adolescent boy could achieve, and he was a good friend.

Maybe we could take this slow, arrange to meet at the forest another time. Or, we could see one another everyday. I mean, it’s not as it if mattered, he was right across the street. I could visit him every day if I wanted. And go with them to the forest every time they did.

I would see Caesar again, that I knew. How soon, and how often, I had a feeling it was going to be impossible to keep us apart.

Huh, this having a neighbor as a friend thing wasn’t so bad.

“Well, I still have a lot more sign to learn.”

Caesar moved quickly, and before I had a chance to react, he was standing and his arms wrapped around me.

I froze, unable to understand what was happening for a good few moments.

He was hugging me. A proper, arms around the neck, chin resting on my shoulder, hug. His fur rubbed against my exposed skin, tickling it. He was warm, and like this I could feel how much muscle the fur actually hid.

But there was no fear, no uncertainty, no alarm. It felt good, and safe. It felt… like there was actual care behind the hug.

Slowly, I raised my arms and wrapped them around him in turn, securing them behind his middle. I took a deep breath in, and when I released my entire frame relaxed, a weight lifted off my chest.

I had a friend, a safe space to go to, a person who would listen to my troubles. I had a person. I had a friend.

Dashing across the street, I raced into my house and up to my room. Yanking the curtains open for the first time in three days, I looked out across the street and waved at the ape. He waved back.

“Alina in window.” Caesar signed.

“Yes.” I signed back. “Alina in window.”

------

My heart pounded in my chest, my lungs burning as I fought to get enough oxygen to keep going. My legs burned as I pushed toward.

Behind me, the trees were near silent, which was strange considering what was happening.

I could hear him through, his grunts and pants, his growls.

I pushed myself to go further, faster. I was almost there. I didn’t dare turn to look back, wouldn’t turn to see him getting closer. Wouldn’t see his fangs bared, the sick triumph in his eyes as he closed in on me.

I sailed over a fallen tree, scaling a boulder and leaping from it, hitting the ground running.

Yes, the cabin was in sight. Almost there, almost safe.

Above me, he released a scream that froze the blood in my veins, stirring me on as adrenaline gave me one final push.

Almost, almost, allllmost…

Caesar leapt from the tree above, landing before me with a heavy thud.

I skidded to a halt, narrowly avoiding crashing into him as I slipped on the smooth pine needles.

He held his arms out, reaching towards me, mouth open and canines on display. I looked at him, scanning for any sign he was going to move. Slowly, taunting me, he began to reach out his hand, knowing there was nothing I could do.

“Caesar, please.” I tried to reason, holding my hands out in surrender.

He seemed to consider my words for just a second, before his arm shot out the rest of the way and knocked against the run-down ranger’s cabin.

I groaned, collapsing onto the forest floor. I tasted blood with every hagged breath, my lungs shuddering as they attempted to expand fully.

“No fair.” I whined.

Caeser grunted and I looked over at him. ‘You almost got it! You are getting better.’

I huffed at the comment. Mock flattery.

Caeser had so much fun making sure I always thought I was so close to winning, and then swooping in last second to crush my victory.

‘You cheat.’ I signed back, knowing that would get a rise out of him.

As always, he rushed forward and all but collapsed onto me. I grunted at the sudden assault of his weight, which then turned into a shriek as he began to tickle me.

God I regretted the day I had taught him how to tickle, and more importantly that I was ticklish.

His calloused fingers slipped beneath my shirt, running up and down my skin on my sides.

“Caesar!” I wailed, squirming around in his hold as laughter erupted from me uncontrollably. “Sttttoooooppp!” I tried to say, unable to form words as peals of happiness took my breath. “I’m sorry!” I screamed, still trashing around to try get away from him.

Caesar finally conceded, pulling away and throwing himself down to lie beside me.

I gasped, now fighting even harder to try catch my breath.

Caesar took my hand in his own, squeezing it gently as I forced air in through my nose and then out my mouth. Deep, smooth breaths. When I had gained control, I looked over at Caesar and he back at me, him smiling softly.

The forest always made his eyes look so much brighter, more full of life. The green popped more vivid and the gold shown like a jewel in the sun.

I raised a hand, resting it against the side of his head and stroking my thumb across his forehead, then frowned when my fingers felt pine needles and soil in his fur. “Caes, you got dirty.”

I sat up, gesturing for him to do the same. He did so, turning his back to me.

If someone had told me 2 months ago I’d be sitting in the forest grooming a chimpanzee, I would have laughed at them, and then start crying because I couldn’t imagine a worse hell. Now, as my fingers slipped between the layers of his fur, gently pulling out leaves and twigs, I found myself relaxing.

It was relaxing, a repetitive and soothing action as I smoothed out his fur.

Around us, birds called and the forest kept on growing, content with us.

When I had finished cleaning Caesar, he turned and began shifting through my hair. His fingers were so gentle through my uncontrollable curls, the ape so sure to be careful.

He was the only one I trusted to touch my hair besides me, because he never yanked and never pulled.

Once he was satisfied with his work, we stood and made our way back to the picnic.

Will had come alone today, Charles needing to take a nap and Caroline having to cover a shift at the zoo. My step father and mom were out of town for the week, so I’d be sleeping over.

Did my parents know? Yes.

Did they know Caesar was a chimpanzee? Yes.

My mother was not comfortable letting me just go over to someone’s house, and so insisted on meeting Caesar and the other humans. To say they were surprised would be an understatement, but then they saw Caesar and I and realized our friendship was real.

Now, I spent most days at his house. After school, he was surprisingly good at homework. Weekends, I head over once I was dressed and we’d spend the entire day screwing around. Movies, books, board games, we did it all. Sundays were our days to escape the city and for Caesar to be an ape.

And how amazing it was to see him swing through the trees so effortlessly, to command the forest as if it was his domain. His trees, his sky, his home.

I saw the way Caesar looked out his window, the wistfulness in the gaze. I saw it too when I recounted stories of school. He was lonely, and as much I ask spent time with him, he was alone. Trapped in that room without the chance to feel the sun in his skin or wind through his fur.

I tried bringing him the world, snuck in candy he wasn’t allowed, brought books and movies not approved by Will, took photos and videos of everywhere I went.

But it was not enough. He deserved more. He should have had more.

9 months of this friendship and there was still so much to learn, so much to grow.

We still had time.

Finally reaching Will, he began to pack away the blanket when he saw us approach. “How far’d you go this time?”

“The Ranger’s cabin.” I answered, bending to close my abandoned homework books I was supposed to be working on today.

Caesar obediently walked up to Will, allowing him to reattach the leash.

We’d had an argument about that before, one night when Caesar was in his room and I’d met Will in the kitchen on one of our movie nights. I did not approve, Will said it was needed. I went home and refused to speak to Will for a week.

Packing my backpack, Caesar took it from me and slung it onto his own shoulder. Will finished with his own backpack and secured it to his back.

“What we watching tonight?” he asked.

“Gladiator.”

“Godzilla.”

Caesar and I turned to one another.

“Oh boy.”

Did I feel bad that Will now had to deal with two arguing teenagers fighting in the back seat about which movie to watch? No, I did not.

[rockermybuddie]

Insecurity

A/n: lets pretend that thats Tommys hand in the gif lol!

Tommy x Evan “Buck”

•This is a sequel to my previous story Misunderstanding

Summary: Tommy and Evan are still working on getting their relationship back on track after Kaleb kissed Tommy after a misunderstanding. Evan is still kind of hurt by it even though he knows Tommy wont hurt him hes become insecure about his body now that he saw how well fit Kaleb was. Evan hides it well but when hes on a call what hes been doing to his body comes out.

Tw: Eating disorder, self harm

———

~Tommys POV~

I open my eyes when i hear a ringing sound coming from the nightstand. I look at the time 6am, time to get ready for work. I turn off the alarm and reach over to wake up Evan but to my surprise his side of the bed is empty. I look towards the bathroom but it was empty.

Its been three months since the Kaleb incident, Evan and I’s relationship has hit a small bump but we are slowly working on it. I’ve been really trying to show Evan how much i truly care about him through everything and anything.

Saying i love you a lot, cooking homemade meals for us, surprising him with little gifts.

I let out a big streach as i get put of bed to go find Evan. When i walk down stairs i can smell sausage and eggs. I look on the stove and see a pan that has scrambled eggs, sausage, hasbrowns, and onions in it. I hear a steady thump coming from the garage.

When i open the door i see Evan running on the treadmill in a sweat suit. “Evan!” I say loud so he can hear me. Its 6am why is he running on the treadmill? When he doesn’t respond i walk over in front of the treadmill.

Evan comes to a stop when he sees me, sweat dripping down his face, he looks exhausted. “How long have you been down here?” I ask him. “Only an hour.” He answers. “I left you breakfast on the stove.” He tells me. “Wheres your breakfast?” I ask. “I already ate.” He says. I notice he broke eye contact with me when he said that which made me question if he actually ate or not.

“Oh, what did you eat?” I ask him. “You know, just my norm.” He says shrugging his shoulders. He moves over to the mat on the floor and starts doing pushups. As hot as he looks working out im a little concerned about him.

“Evan.” He looks up at me as he continues on. “Why are you working out so early?” I ask. “Just getting a quick work out before work.” He says as if this is something he does everyday.

“Why dont you come and eat with me and then we can take a shower together before we go to work since we wont see each other.” I suggest. Which i would like to spend sometime with him before we head to our shifts.

Evan gets up and walks into the kitchen with me. I grab the pan and i spilt my breakfast with him even though he tried to stop me. I told him that after that work out he needs to eat again. After we ate we went back upstairs and took a shower.

I wrap my arms around Evan as i bring him closer to me feeling myself against him. I give soft kisses on his neck as i move my hands down his body. As im about to take him into my hand he turns off the water. “Evan?” I question, he usually loves a quick one before a shift.

“Not right now.” Is all he says and gets out of the shower. “Is everything okay?” I ask him. He shakes his head yes as he drys off. I dont let it get to me its been awhile since we had intimacy so im craving it but i need to respect Evan and how he wants to handle us at the moment.

As we say our goodbyes in the drive way before heading our separate ways i tell him how much he means to me and that if theres anything he needs to talk to me about he can. Evan insures me that everything is okay, i smile at him giving him one more kiss before we both get into our cars.

I watch as Evan backs out of the driveway and drives off. I get my phone out of my pocket and pull up Eddies number. I type out a text to keep an eye on Evan but hesitate to hit the send button.

If i send it then it will cause a worry and Evan might be upset about it or it’ll be a good thing to have another person who is close to Evan checking on him.

I ended up sending the message anyways and immediately got a text back saying ok. That made me feel a little better but not a lot.

———

~Bucks POV~

I arrived at the station pretty early, i sat in my car for a few moments and thought about Tommy. Hes been really trying to make up for the Kaleb situation three months ago. I know now that it wasnt Tommy fault at all but part of me is still clinging on to the anger i felt.

I still love Tommy i know he was questioning me alot this morning because i think only insane people exercise at 5 in the morning. But when i saw how fit Kaleb looked i figured Tommy will like me more if i was smaller.

I open my door grabbing my bag and headed into the firehouse. I threw my bag in my locker and changed my clothes. I headed over to the work out area and got on the treadmill and started jogging making my way to speed.

“Hey Buck.” Eddie says walking up to me. “Hey.” I say focusing on my running. “Can you help me with something?” Eddie asks. “Sure.” I tell him. I slow down on tbe treadmill as it comes to a stop. When i go to step off i get real light headed all of a sudden and kind of stumble back.

“Woah, you okay Buck?” Eddies asks grabbing my shoulder to steady me as i grab the arm of the treadmill. “Um yeah. Yeah im fine.” I say waving a hand. My head stops spinning and i can focus now. Eddie looks at me making sure im actually okay before we go off and do whatever he needs.

We had some calls come in but they all went smooth. Eddie kept checking in on me though, i dont know why.

We are back at the station now and Bobby is cooking dinner while the others are upstairs playing a game. They asked me to join but i wanted to go down and get another work out in.

“Buck, Dinner!” Eddie yells from the balcony. “Okay, coming!” I yell back. I think about how i’m going to do this because if i dont eat they are going to start asking questions. Its not easy to lie about eating at work then it is at home.

I head upstairs and took my seat at the table. “You need to go shower Buck.” Hen says scrunching her nose. “Sorry.” I say, I think this is a good excuse, i can shower while they eat and just say im going to eat when i get done. “No sit down Buck. You can shower when we are done.” Bobbh says raising his fork at me when instood back up.

“Why are you working out so much? That was like your fith work out today.” Eddie asks. “Just trying to stay in shape.” I answer, which isnt a lie.

When we finished dinner i went to the bathroom to shower but first i went into a stall and squatted in front of the toilet. I took my two fingers and stuck them down my throat making myself gag in till i threw up.

When i finished i was about to get in the shower when the bell rang. I swished some water in my mouth and splashed some on face and headed to the trucks.

“Buck you okay?” Hen asks looking at me with a weird expression. “You’re awfully pale.” She reaches her hand out and feels my face. “Yeah im fine.” I tell her, even though i was fighting the urge to pass out. I needed to keep my focus, we were on a call.

When we got to the scene it was an apartment fire, me and Eddie were searching for a young boy on the 5th floor who got separated from his mother.

My head felt like it was going to fall off, i was so dizzy i dont think i was walking in a straight line. Walking up the stairs with my gear on almost took me out. “Buck, are you okay?!” Eddie asks me putting his hands on my shoulder staring at me through his mask. “Yeah.” I shout trying to focus. But there was too many things to focus on.

“Buck, Eddie. The little boys been found, get out of there.” Cap says on the radio. “Come on Buck.” Eddie says, he knows something is wrong and hes about to get it out of me as soon as were out of here.

We are walking back down the stairs, im in front all of a sudden the room starts spinning and my eyes roll back. The last thing i heard was “Buck!”

———-

~Tommys POV~

“Hello?” I say answering my phone. “What hospital?!” I leave the station telling Stevens i have an emergency. I get in my truck and drive to the hospital Evan is at.

My heart is racing, Eddie called me telling me that Evan blacked out on a call in an apartment building and fell down the stairs. Hes at the hospital now.

When i arrive i rush in and go straight to the nurses station. “Evan Buckley.” I tell her. “Tommy.” I hear a familiar voice my head snaps in the direction and i see Bobby.

“Where is he?” I ask him. Bobby leads me to Evans room. When i walk in i see him sitting up in the hospital bed. A big bruise on his shoulder, i guess from where he hit the wall and the oxygen tube in his nose.

“Im so glad you’re okay. You scared me.” I sat on the side of his bed and wrapped my arms around him. He winced a little at that but rested his head on my shoulder.

The doctor came in and informed me that Evan hasnt been eating and has been overworking himself. Eddie also told me that Evan was constantly running on tbe treadmill everytime they were back at the station.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” I ask him. “Please tell me the truth.” I held his hands in mine. “So i can look good.” Evan says, voice low. “You already look amazing Evan.” I tell him confused.

“No. Kaleb looked good. I need to look like him.” Evan snaps. My heart sunk and i felt for Evans pain. Im stunned and upset that i didnt catch this before.

“Evan, i love the way you look. I love you for who you are. Dont you ever compare yourself to someone else. Because i don’t want someone else, i want you.” I run my hand across his cheek cradling his face in my hand wipping away his tears.

“I’m sorry. I dont know why im still caught up with this.” Evan apologizes. “Dont apologize Evan. Its okay i promise. I understand, i would still be upset too if the roles were reversed, but its not. We’ll get there Evan just please talk to me.” I ask of him. He nods.

“Just please dont hurt yourself. I cant lose you.” I give him a kiss both of our lips shaking together.

[gosmigenergy]

KINKTOBER 2023 / Day Sixteen

( Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia x F!Reader )

SPEECH/MOVEMENT RESTRICTION / BODY WORSHIP (GENITALS) / VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES

Summary: Santiago treats you to something you can both enjoy.

Day Sixteen of @absurdthirst's Kinktober

Rating: Mature 18+

Warnings: Language, body restraints, Dom!Santiago, light spanking, fingering,  P in V, unprotected sex (use protection irl please), cream pie, no use of Y/N

Word Count: 2.4k

Santiago wanted to step it up a notch.

You had done so well with the wrist restraints yet the pair of you had already exhausted all the options. You were quite happy to let him take you like that over and over again, he needed something different.

Scrolling through the sites whilst you were with the other guys, he considered his choices. He didn’t want something that scared you off with all it’s chains and locks yet not something too elaborate that even he didn’t have any idea how to use it. Shibari was an art he was practicing and sometimes, it was time consuming and it was too early to be buying a sex swing.

Been as you liked the wrist restraints, the addition of ankle ones shouldn’t be much, then something caught his eye. He pushed his chair back, dragging his hand down his face before he looks at it again.

He added it to his cart.

—

“I got a present of you,” he smiled.

“Really?”

You got up, giddy with excitement, Benny was rubbing off on you.

He put a hand on your shoulder, “Honey, calm down.”

You balled your hands into fist, piercing your lips together. He was always giving you something, occasionally it was an item to use everyday but most of the time, it was sex related. Something you to use together.

He handed you a box with both hands.

The weight surprised you, it was heavier than any of the other parcels he gave you, a little bit bigger too. You rocked it back and forth but it was so well packed, there was barely any movement.

“Can I open it now?”

He nodded, smiling as you scuttled off to the kitchen. Sitting on the couch, he waited for you to come back, clearing everything from the coffee table. You come back with a small knife and place the box on the table and come to your knees opposite him.

It was like you were opening a Christmas present.

You sink the point through the tape and open it to reveal another box, black and matte to the touch. Tossing aside the other box, you gently put the other to the table. Wherever he orders from always has the lushest packaging, a delicate ribbon tie sealing the parcel shut. You take it between your thumb and index finger and pull, unfurling the neat bow.

You lean in, taking a peek inside with a curious hum.

The bar is cold in your hand as you lift it out.

“This isn’t to hit me with is it?”

He chuckles, “No.”

He loved how naive you were.

You notice the looped pins and blinked at him, he cocked his head to indicate there’s more in the box.

Your fingertips are greeted by soft leather and you proceed to pull out small four restraints and a bag with four metallic snap hooks.

“This is gonna make things interesting,” you say.

“It certainly is.”

It wasn’t long until you were perched at the end of his bed, already stripped down to nothing. Santiago was carefully buckling the restraints around your ankles and wrists when he observed the goosebumps raise to the surface. He stroked your leg, palms warms.

“Sorry,” you blush, “already getting ahead of myself.”

He smiles wide, “I’m glad I have that affect on you.”

The snap hooks attach to the rings with ease.

He straightens up and lifts your chin, his thumb trailing along your lip. Timidly, you poke out your tongue and lick before he allows you to take the digit in your mouth and suck. His eyes darken when you release it.

“On your hands and knees, honey.”

You do as you’re told.

Crawling to the top of the bed, you wait for him to get the bar and return to you. He climbs on the bed and you hear the click as the first snap hook is fasten.

“I’m gonna spread you wide, ok? I know you can take it.”

You glance over your shoulder at him, “Ok.”

His hand comes above your right ankle and he guides it out and you move your knee to its final position. He attaches the other ankle and you feel the pull as the pole sinks into the bed, he rubs your ass. Your arousal was already present, beginning to wet your folds.

He shuffles to your front and brings his mouth to your ear.

“You look so fucking good already.”

You giggle, the temperature in your cheeks rising yet again.

Taking hold of your wrist, he guides your chest gently to the mattress with his free hand, pulling your arm behind you. He notches your elbow against your hip and brings your wrist close to the bar. He clips it into place and instinctively you tug however you barely move.

He moves over to your right and takes the other wrist.

Your head snaps to meet his face, a fleeting memory of the pain when he put you in this position perviously.

“This isn’t going to hurt, is it?”

“Just some aching muscles tomorrow,” he kissed your forehead, “promise.”

You nod, taking a breath to relax your body before he contorted you.

With the final snap hook in place, the only way you could get comfortable was to rest your shoulders to the duvet and turn your head to the side. He hopped off the bed and whipped of his briefs, cock flaccid.

Returning to the bed, the mattress rocks with his shifting weight.

You almost flinch as his fingers graze the backs of your thighs.

“Relax, honey.”

“You say that but then you did come at me from behind, no warning.”

He smirks, “Where’s the fun in that?”

He continues up your legs and over the cheeks of your ass before the sensation stopped. There was a light sting as he brought his hand back with a slap. You grunt, hands pulling in their wrist restraints.

He scoffs.

“You’re going to enjoy this aren’t you?”

He spreads your ass cheeks apart and inspects, “If you keep running your mouth, I’ll be buying you another present.”

You hum, “You haven’t got me one already? You’re off your game.”

He spanks you again, harder this time.

You deserved that one, you weren’t being a good girl, biting your lip to keep your mouth shut.

Santiago was considering adding something else to the order, a whip or a paddle, maybe both. At this angle you were ripe for punishment, if he got something with enough width, he could definitely get your pussy at the same time.

He gives a couple more slaps on your ass for good measure.

He sunk two fingers into your opening, spreading your juices over your folds, his cock twitching at the sound of your sweet moans. His thumb grazes your clit as he pushes back into your slick cunt and you attempt to nudge him deeper. Placing a hand between your shoulder blade, he shoves you back down.

You mewl, nails digging into your palms, your pussy pulsing as your arousal grew.

His cock started to swell, the length growing heavy.

He pumps in and out until your cunt squelches around his fingers, until your folds are slippery and that pearl of nerves is sensitive to his touch.

Bringing his fingers to his mouth, he sucks the taste of you over his tongue.

You clench around nothing, eyes fluttering shut as he exaggerates the noises he makes.

Smiling to himself, he takes his cock in his hand, spreading the precum over the tip with his fingers. He closes in on you, slapping his length against your fluttering folds and a lengthily groan comes from your lips. Lining himself up, he pushes into you slowly, just notching passed your entrance.

He brings both his hands to your hips and gently rock you back and forth.

Your shoulders bounce against the bed softly, the warmth spreading across your lower back as you take his cock snugly in your walls. This was nice, steady but you wished for friction, for his force.

He’d get to that.

Right now, he was admiring how looked underneath him. How you back curved upwards, how the meat of your ass rippled slightly on the rebound, how your brows knotted as he skimmed the soft spot in your cunt.

He spread his hand to rest at the end of your spine, thumb reaching over the tail bone to stroke your asshole.

Your breath hitches.

You wondered whether he’d be willing to do it, stick it in without the vinyl to protect it. You always made sure you were clean there in case the day ever came where he wanted you in both holes or the day when he’d finally tell Benny he could take you there.

His sixth sense knew your mind was elsewhere.

He met your rock back with a thrust, filling you to the hilt, holding you there as he gave a growl.

“Fuck!” 

You shudder, spreading your fingers as your arms shake. Your chest and stomach expand as you try to take a deep breath, slow your heart rate as your desire threatened to take over.

He takes your slick on his thumb before coming back to your asshole.

“Is this what you want, honey? You want my thumb in your ass.”

You quiver and sob as he circles your puckered hole.

He wants you to use your words. Keeping his cock inside you, he lowers his chest against your back and his breath trickles hot down your neck.

“Hm? You want me to put it in there?”

“Oh my god,” your voice is squeaking. “Yes, yes.”

It’s quick like he had no resistance from your asshole at all but god, is it good.

He straightened up, swaying a little as he positioned himself. You knew he was preparing to pick up the pace, he pulls his hips back then pushes into you full force. You sigh in unison, your wall tightening around his twitching cock. He does it a couple more times before he plows into you over and over frantically.

You scream his name as he ruts you into the bed, the headboard shaking.

The room is filled with noise from your muffled cries as you press your forehead down to his animalistic grunts, from the harsh slaps of skin on skin and the creaking of the wooden joints in the frame.

Your eyes screw shut, the white spots appearing in your vision as your mind swirls.

He’s relentless in finding his release, your walls hugging his length. You feel every inch of him, his vein, his ridges, the slight curve that hit just the spot. Your asshole constricted around his thumb as he gripped harder to your hips.

You were gasping for air, the heat filling your lungs, spreading around your chest and up your back. Toes curling, the next blow tips you over the edge and his cocks slips out as your juices gush from your pussy.

“Oh,” he brings the tip back to your folds and tickles your clit to get more from you. “That’s my girl.”

You feel the spray against your thighs, droplets trailing down your legs as you vibrate, hips dropping. He pops out his thumb, holding onto your waist with both hands to hold you upright. Slipping your head to the side, you breathe, the sweat clinging to your temple as you continue to tremble.

He envelopes you, palms drawing along your stomach and over your breast to hook under your shoulders. Pressing his face to your back, he kisses along your spine until the aftershocks settle. Coiling a hand round, he lines himself up and pushes his cock in softly.

There’s another kiss on your back as you groan, walls flittering around his length.

His hand returns to your shoulder, bracing you as he rolls his hips and shallowly thrusts. He takes his time with long strokes, following your hips as they buck forward. As he edges closer, his hands  become stronger, grunts louder as his breath teases down your neck.

You were still lost in a pleasurable haze, barely able to come down from your orgasm.

He slams into you and you know he’s almost there.

His hips come for you harder, his pace quickening. You can imagine him, jaw locked with creased brows, eyes blown black. His stomach would be held inward, his usual pert butt would be clenched as he becomes overwhelmed by his release. He unleashes a hoarse grunt as he spills his seed into you, his weight collapsing on top of you.

He pumps his cock within your walls a few more times before he settles, forehead firmly against your back.

There’s a brief pause before his hands relax and he drunkenly picks himself up.

“I’m just going to get a towel.”

You nod, eyes shut.

His lifts his upper body up before gently pulling out of you, his thick cum dribbling out audibly and you hear him smile at the view.

When he enters the bathroom, you hear the water run as he washes his hands then dampens a cloth. As he enters the room, he picks up his phone and comes to the side of the bed. He brushes the hair from your face before clearing the sweat off your skin, watching the smile come to your lips.

“Mind if I take a picture?”

You open one eye, “If I say yes, will you let me out of the cuffs.”

He takes a couple of steps back and there’s a fake noise of a camera shutter.

Resting on the bed, he takes the snap hook off your left wrist and ankle then the right, picking up the bar and placing it out of the way. You stretch like a cat, reaching your hands up and resting your hips to your ankles. Once the strain has subsided, you roll onto your back and unfurled your legs, planting them on his.

Santiago takes hold of your ankle and starts to unbuckle the leather harness.

“So, are you going to show the guys?”

You know they have a group chat were they share this kind of shit.

He shrugs, “Maybe.”

He continues to focus on unleashing you from the restraints, moving onto your wrists.

“Is it just for you?”

He smirks, he would gladly use it when he didn’t have you and you wouldn’t judge him for that, there was something else though.

“Santi, what are you not telling me?”

He grabbed the cloth and ran it down your stomach when his eyes flicked to you.

“Let’s just say, Benny isn’t the only one who posts stuff online.”

He wiped your messy cunt to stop you asking any more.

[cherriegyuu]

seventeen as songs from red (ts)

a/n: for this, i'll be giving songs and lyrics to each of the members, as well as small plots based on those lyrics. i don't plan to write all of these, but they are still my ideas (as basic as some of them might be). so if you are interested in writing one of them, you can message me about it. if you want to read one of them you can send in a request and i'll write for you

red | 1989 | reputation | lover | folklore | midnights

• Seungcheol ➝ Red Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly ↳ Seungcheol is a clandestine race driver, all bad boy, but his entire life changes once he meets you ↣ read here

• Jeonghan ➝ Everything Has Changed And all my walls stood tall, painted blue But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down And open up the door for you ↳ Jeonghan always held back in his relationships but when you come into his life, like a sudden thunderstorm, he can't help but let you in.

• Joshua ➝ The Very First Night But don't forget about the night out in L.A Dance in the kitchen, chase me down through the hallway No one knows about the words that we whispered ↳ Joshua has always been your best friend so when the two of you go on a trip together the feelings you've been holding back for years finally boil over.

• Jun ➝ Begin Again But on a Wednesday, in a café, I watched it begin again ↳ everyday Jun goes to the same café in hopes that one day he’ll get enough courage to ask the cute barista out. ↣ read here

• Soonyoung➝ Treacherous Forever going with the flow But you're friction ↳ you were always the kind of kid who followed the rules and that didn't change as you grew up. So what happens when you move to another city and your new neighbor, Soonyoung, is the most spontaneous person you've ever met and is adamant in taking you along to all of his adventures?

• Wonwoo ➝ Come Back… Be Here One last kiss, then catch your flight Right when I was about to fall I told myself, "Don't get attached" But in my mind, I play it back Spinning faster than the plane that took you ↳ when you agreed to a date with the popular idol you promised yourself that you would never catch feelings for him. But once is time to say goodbye, when his job demands he travels to another country, you find yourself reluctant to say goodbye.

• Jihoon ➝ I Bet You Think About Me "Oh my god, she's insane, she wrote a song about me" I bet you think about me ↳ Jihoon is usually the one writing songs about his relationships, so it surprises him when he comes across a song written about him.

• Minghao ➝ The Moment I Knew A million little shining stars that just align ↳ Minghao used to have stars in his eyes whenever he looked at you, so when they're gone you don't know where that leaves you.

• Mingyu ➝ State of Grace So you were never a saint and I loved in shades of wrong We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts But this love is brave and wild ↳ you were always one to fall in love with the wrong guy, but what if the wrong guy turns out to be the right one?

• Seokmin ➝ Message In A Bottle And I became hypnotized By freckles and bright eyes, tongue-tied ↳ Seokmin has many beauty spots all over his body, you make a point of knowing each one of them. ↣ read here

• Vernon ➝ I Almost Do I bet you think I either moved on or hate you 'Cause each time you reach out, there's no reply I bet it never, ever occurred to you That I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye ↳ After a bad breakup, Vernon wants to get in touch with you again - even if it's just to apologize - but the task is harder than expected. So he decides to leave voice messages to you, in hopes that you'll hear them.

• Seungkwan ➝ Run So you laugh like a child And I'll sing like no one cares No one to be and no one to tell I could see this view a hundred times Pale blue sky reflected in your eyes ↳ Seungkwan decides to take you on a date under the stars.

• Chan ➝ 22 We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way It's miserable and magical, oh yeah Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks ↳ in a desperate attempt to take his mind off of his recent breakup, Chan invites all of his friends to a karaoke night at his place. And, maybe, that's where he finds the one he's been looking for.

taglist: @wonwooz1, @ryuwonieebae, @sobun1est, @mirtaspace, @ho34gojo, @feat-sun, @wonvsmile, @mhlsymlysn, @swinterr, @immabecreepin, @uniq-tastic, @miriamxsworld

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[pbforeva]

updates will prob be once a week now

chapter fifteen

—

Paige's pov:

After that night when I told Azzi everything that had happened, Azzi has been on a mission to keep me busy. It's been tiring, but I'm also grateful she cares enough to do that. Thankfully she hasn't told the other girls yet.

Azzi is trying to get me to go kayaking with her today, and I have nothing better to do so I guess i'm going. I throw on my swimsuit and grab my bag before dragging myself out of my dorm. I look behind me before I shut the door to yell a goodbye to Aubrey.

I turn around and head toward the exit when I hear a familiar voice. The soft voice that I used to listen to everyday was coming from around the corner up ahead of me. I stop, frozen in fear, wondering what I'm supposed to do in this situation. She definitely doesn't want to see me, and I don't know if I'm ready to see her, let alone talk to her.

Unfortunately my thinking is interrupted by a gasp that came from Evelyn. My first instinct is to sprint back to my dorm, but I can't move from my spot on the floor. I try to think of something to say, but what do I say to her? Uh sorry I kissed you I was just joking??? Thankfully she speaks before I can get anything stupid out of my mouth

"Hey, Paige," She says softly.

Not knowing what else to say, I just say "Hey," back. But then I quickly decide to add, "What are you doing here?" looking back at her.

Looking nervous, she says "Well I'm staying with Ashlynn right now because I kinda broke up with Blake." She looks down at her shoes as she finishes.

I let out a surprised gasp because I never believed she was ever going to break up with him. "I'm so happy for you Evelyn, and if you're ok with it I think we should catch up sometime." I say deciding to just go for it.

"Yeah, that'd be nice Paige! Are you free tomorrow?" She says looking surprisingly happy.

"Yeah!" I say with a smile now on my face.

We agree to text later about the details of our plans and we part ways. When I look down at my phone I realize I'm late to meeting with Azzi and have a few missed calls from her. Oops.

Blake's POV:

These past few days have been a bit of a blur, so I'm glad I'm finally going home to relax a bit. Surprisingly, I'm kind of excited to see Evelyn, I mean it has been quite a while since I saw her last. She just better not be annoying, I'm not in the mood to lose it right now.

I walk up the steps to our apartment and wonder why she wanted me to come home. She usually doesn't care what I do, but whatever, she probably just missed me or something.

I throw open the door and yell that I'm home, but after taking off my shoes I look around for Evelyn. Our normally messy apartment is unusually clean, so Eve is probably just asleep after cleaning I guess.

I walk to our bedroom, to check if she's in there. But instead seeing her asleep on the bed, I see the closet wide open with all of her clothes missing. What? I make my way to the bathroom and again see all her things missing?

Confused, I walk back to the kitchen, this time seeing a small piece of paper on the countertop. When I look closer, I realize it’s a note.

Blake, I've loved you since freshman year here at Uconn, and I think some part of me always will love you.

Some part?? What is she trying to say?

Our relationship was amazing, but it has become unfathomably toxic and damaging.

The more I read, the angrier I get. What does she mean our relations ship was amazing? Are we not still in one?? And toxic, how is loving each other toxic, I mean I know I get mad sometimes but it’s not that serious.

I can't continue on like this, and our love is no longer enough to keep us together.

What. She didn’t even want to tell me in person? She can’t just make this decision for us, this is a two person relationship.

I'm sorry, but I have to leave and I hope you understand.

            

Love,

         Your Eve

I slam my hand down on the countertop. She wants me to understand? How am I supposed to understand when she is acting like such a bitch? If she wants to break up so badly, why would she call herself ‘My Eve’?

I’m angrier than ever. I need to find her.

Evelyn's pov:

Thankfully, my exchange with Paige wasn’t as awkward as I had imagined it would be. I hope she understands why I had to leave that night. I’d love to start hanging out with her again, I mean she’s just so fun, and I’m starting to miss her. Since it’s been a few hours, I decide to text her about our plans for tomorrow.

Paige

Hey, so what time did

you want to meet up tomorrow?

I was thinking around

2:30 if that’s good for you

Yeah that works! Wanna

meet at the coffee shop

so we can grab some?

Yeah! that would be

fun, see you tomorrow

See you tomorrow!

Wow, that was pretty easy, I feel like it always takes forever to make plans with my friends.

Soon Ashlynn comes home and I decide it’s time to debrief her on everything that happened between Paige and I.

I start by telling her how she slept over after I got back from the hospital and we went to beach later, but stayed later than everyone else. I told her about how after she drove me back, she kissed me and I kinda freaked out and ran out of the car.

“WHAT? Why didn’t you tell me this when it happened, and why did you run off?” She intensely questions.

“Well I ran off because I had so many things holding me back like my parents and Blake, but I’m sorry I didn’t tell you soon I was trying to process it myself. But Paige and I are good now I think, I mean we’re hanging out tomorrow.” I reply sheepishly.

“Well you two seem good for each other and I think you should go for it.” She says while shrugging.

Her reply shocks me and my wide open mouth showcases that, but before I get the chance to say something, there’s a knock at the door.

—

i think we all know who it is

[daydreamsandafternoonteafics]

Crossroads- Chapter 3

banner by shesaidpoptarts

I had already decided it was going to be a crummy day before my feet even hit the floor.

With a loud yawn, I slammed my hand a final time against my alarm clock, dragging a hand across my face to wipe the sleep out of my eyes. My head had hardly left the pillow before I was hit with the strongest wave of nausea that sent me running straight to the bathroom. I could never prepare myself for the nasty feeling that crept its way into my system each morning and refused to settle down until well after noon. As the final days of my first trimester came to a close, I only seemed to feel sicker than ever.

This baby was making me pay for every moment I've spent doubting it.

I hovered over the toilet in a violent dry heave, wishing I could just cancel the day and crawl back into bed but I had goals I needed to meet. I had two dozen lemon cupcakes to make for a bridal shower and a plate of chicken salad for an office going-away party. Plus after a three-week hiatus I was dying to get back to my Pilates class. No matter how horrible I felt I was determined to not let my temporary condition hold me back from everyday life.

After completing my morning routine I threw on a pair of leggings and a sports bra that was almost too small and headed to the kitchen in search of some sort of caffeine. Food was still very much an unsolved issue. I could hardly keep anything down and because I now had the job of growing another human being, I was running on low energy. Coffee was my only saving grace.

I'd hardly noticed Harry leaned against the countertop as I made a beeline for the coffeemaker.

"Morning, darling." he drawls.

He's dressed smartly in a button up and blazer, a clear indication that it was a day at the office for him.

"Morning," I reply shortly balancing on my toes to peep in the cupboard for a mug.

"Where are you off to today?" he asks casually.

I grab the first mug in sight, a standard tiffany blue one that had been apart of a china set Mom had given us for as a wedding present, and pour as much coffee as it can hold.

"Pilates. Haven't been in a couple of weeks. I need to get my mojo back,"

He raises an eyebrow pressing his own mug to his lips.

"Don't you think you should quit for a while? That can't be totally healthy for the baby, yeah?"

I hadn't really thought about what I should and shouldn't do during my pregnancy. As far as I was concerned I was able to do everything any other woman was capable of doing until I could no longer see my toes.

"Exercise is good. Just because I'm growing a baby between my hips doesn't mean I have to become a couch potato. I'm pregnant, not an invalid." I reply sharply before taking a generous sip of coffee.

A dimpled smirk settles on his lips.

"Shouldn't be drinking that either. Caffeine's not good for the baby."

My eye twitches in annoyance. I haven't been up for a whole hour yet and he's already bossing me around.

"Oh really? Says who?" I question defensively.

"A little search engine called google. You should check it out sometime, Riv." he replies smoothly.

I set down my mug with a twinge of guilt and curiosity. We'd still had yet to sit down and properly talk about how different life was going to be in the following months and as always Harry was a closed book. There were still so many things I wasn't sure of and hearing the word 'baby' suddenly in his vocabulary was confusing.

"You researched this?"

I run a hand through my barely brushed hair awaiting an answer.

Harry shrugs.

"Sure. Why'd ya look so surprised? " he rasped. "this is important information you should know."

I chew at my lip in thought avoiding his penetrating jade eyes. I hate to admit that I've developed a level of mistrust. Sometimes it's so hard to tell whether or not he's being genuine or looking to start a fight.

"I'm just surprised," I weak slowly, searching his face for some sort of offense. "and disappointed. Coffee's my kryptonite right now."

He chuckles slowly, abandoning his coffee to move closer to me.

"Well, you'll just have to find another, babe," his eyes shift to the kitchen clock briefly. "I've got to run. I'll be late if I don't leave now."

He leans down pressing a quick kiss to my mouth.

"Lay off the caffeine and don't work yourself too hard, yeah?"

He stares at me pointedly and I bite back my grin.

"Can't keep any promises. Have a great day, Harry."

He's gone in the blink of an eye and I find myself with a permanent blush for the rest of the morning.

Why is he so hard to read?

**** "River! Long time no see,"

I'd hardly had a chance to place my mat down before the petite, wide-eyed brunette was squealing at me. My pilates class was full of spoiled trophy wives and catty soccer moms whose main loves in life were yoga pants and iced coffee. This hour of exercise was like the holy grail of their day because nothing beats a good work out and some juicy gossip. The thought that in seven-plus months I could possibly be one of those women made me shutter.

"It's only been three weeks, Hannah," I reply whilst pulling my hair back away from my face.

Hannah was a young, bubbly mother who talked too much for my liking. We were 'mat mates' in that our mats were positioned near each other but that was the extent of our relationship. In her mind we're the best of friends but I didn't have the heart to tell her the truth.

"That's almost a whole month! I gain like ten pounds if I miss a week. But look at you, still runway ready and glowy as ever. I don't know how you do it, especially with your job and all. I'd be eating non-stop! My body's never been the same since I had Bristol,"

I was still failing to see this 'glow' that everyone kept mentioning but I didn't mind the compliment.

"I had a bit of a stomach bug. Been drinking a lot of water and vitamin C. That's probably it," I lie hoping to shut down any more conversation about babies and weight.

I was certain that I'd gained at least ten pounds within the last month but with my height it was easy to disguise. I wonder how I'm supposed to explain myself once I finally start rolling up to class sporting a full-on baby bump.

"You poor thing!" Hannah squeals. "I don't know whether to pity you or envy you."

I'm saved from any further conversation when our instructor enters the room and lies her mat on the floor immediately diving into the warm-up. I take a deep breath as I'm told, hoping to rid my body of its newfound stress and tension.

I bend down preparing to settle into downward dog when the blood rushes to my head all too fast almost causing me to lose my footing. Down dog was never my favorite stretch and by the violent churning of my stomach, I can tell the baby's not a fan of being turned upside down either. I take a few deep breaths, hoping that the feeling will pass but the bile is already rising to my throat.

Trying my hardest not to make a scene I spring up from my mat and stumble off to the nearest restroom, hardly kicking open the stall before I'm regurgitating what little contents I'd consumed into the porcelain bowl.

I let out a weak groan of exhaustion, hot tears spilling from the corners of my eyes. When the second wave hits I'm gripping the edge of the toilet seat as if my life depends on it, full on sobbing in anguish.

Why is this so goddamn miserable? "River. River are you okay?"

Hannah's loud voice echoes throughout the empty restroom doing little to startle me in my delicate state. She looks surprised once she finds me crouched in a fetal position.

"You poor thing!" she coos.

Her figure is blurry through my tears and I brush the stray tendrils peaking from my ponytail out of my face, not wanting to risk looking any worse than I already did.

"Here, let me help you up."

She reaches out her hand but I shake my head.

"Honestly, Hannah. I'm fine," My voice comes out in a miserable croak that isn't very convincing. I bear down on the stall's ball to help myself up. The room still feels like its spinning when I stand to my feet and I squeeze my eyes shut only to realize I'd never stopped crying.

Hannah smile sympathetically following me as I head to the sink.

"I've got a Gatorade in my gym bag and I've always keep a packet of goldfish in my purse for Bristol. You're welcome to have them."

I ignore her offer as I stoop over the faucet and swish the water around my mouth in hopes of getting the bitter taste of bile off my tongue. Grabbing a paper towel I dab away the perspiration on my forehead whilst staring at my reflection. Apart from a slight puffiness around my eyes, I had a healthy flush in cheeks. I didn't look my worse but I certainly felt it.

"You're expecting, aren't you?"

She stares at me through the mirror, a knowing smirk upon her lips.

My stomach drops and I nervously chew at my lip.

"What-what makes you think that?" I stutter, blurting the first thing that comes to mind.

I hadn't even told my own mother I was pregnant yet and the last thing I wanted was the mouth of the South to be the first to know.

"C'mon River. Stomach bugs last no longer than what, forty-eight hours? Plus that glow just doesn't come from drinking water. I'm not stupid. I've been pregnant before, you know."

Damnit. I've got to learn to be consistent with my lies. I stare down at my bare feet with a defeated sigh, nodding slowly.

"Oh my gosh! " she squeals "That's amazing! I'm so excited for you! Bristol will have a playmate!"

She doesn't hesitate to pull me in for a hug, her thin arms squeezing tight against my torso. She smells like cupcakes and her embrace is warm and so of full of genuineness that I find myself tearing up again.

"Don't cry. I promise not to tell anyone if you don't want me to," she speaks whilst pulling away.

I wipe away my tears slowly, swallowing the large lump in my throat.

"It's just been a huge adjustment. I've never felt more miserable in my life."

The words sound stupid coming out of my mouth. I know there's many people in the world with larger problems and all I am is an emotional pregnant woman but there's so much more to this. When I realize that a random woman in my pilates class has been more supportive of my pregnancy than my own husband all I can do is cry.

"Morning sickness is a real bitch, I know. It'll get better soon. Once you get past the first trimester you'll be as happy as a fat cat."

I want to be happy. I want to be happy so badly but I can't help but feel like this baby is spoiling everything: my exercise my marriage, my sanity. I open my mouth to say protest but I quickly close it as not to reveal too much information. I simply plaster on a smile.

"I should probably go.I've got so much to do." I announce feverishly. "Thanks for your help, Hannah."

She grins.

"No problem. Sure you don't want those goldfish?"

I chuckle.

"Sure, why not?" **** I somehow felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders after admitting my pregnancy to Hannah. It felt nice talking to someone who seemed to understand at least part of what I was going through and I didn't have to feel like the village outcast carrying around a deep, dark secret.

If only I was certain that I had the support of someone else.

"Audley,"

The muffled familiar voice and the wrapping of knuckles against my car window woke me with a start. After making my food rounds, I'd arranged to meet up with Ryan at the farmer's market. It had been a few weeks since we'd seen each other or really even talked and I'd needed to get some shopping done anyway. I must have dozed off while waiting on him to arrive. It was so hard not to have a quiet moment to myself and not take a nap these days.

I flash a sleepy grin, slowly unbuckling my seatbelt.

"Sorry to wake you, Angel. You looked so peaceful but I'd probably be stuck standing here forever."

I chuckle slamming the door behind me.

"I'm fine," I reply staring into his blue eyes. "best fifteen minutes of sleep I've had in my life."

Ryan flashes his boyish grin pushing the hair that falls in his face away from his eyes.

"Haven't seen you in like three weeks," he speaks casually throwing an arm over my shoulder as we head over to the produce. "Harry keeping you locked away in his castle?"

I roll my eyes whilst grabbing a shopping bag.

"You know that's not true and you know I hate it when you say that." I replied sharply before tearing away from his to ogle at the fresh papayas on display.

He sighs.

"I know. I just can't help but notice that every time he comes back you disappear for awhile."

It wasn't a lie. The carefree days of childhood when our parents had to practically pry us away from each other's homes had been replaced with the adult responsibilities like work or my case, marriage. I often found myself struggling to balance my time between Harry and Ryan and usually ended up spending extended periods of time with one or the other until something changed that. If Harry knew how much time Ryan and I spent together when he wasn't around he'd probably flip.

"Well I'm here now," I reply tossing the heavy fruit in the bag and hoping to change the subject. "what have you been up to lately?"

I'm far too busy salivating over the various amounts of fresh fruit to really pay attention to what he's saying. It was strange. This morning I was chugging coffee like my life depended on it but suddenly I felt as if I could live by fruit alone.

"I drove up to the beach to see Dad last weekend," he speaks from behind me. "ran into your mom. She said you were acting a little.. strange the last time you stopped by. Thought I might know what was going on."

I'd almost squeezed the orange in my hand to a pulp upon his last sentence, my stomach that had yet to be disturbed since this morning twisted into knots. I was sure I'd acted completely normal around my mother so why would she tell Ryan otherwise? Damn mother's intuition.

"Strange?" I squeak trying to control the flush of my cheeks."what does she mean strange? I'm totally fine."

He raises a thick eyebrow at me in concern. I could just come clean and make the announcement to my best friend that I was having a baby but I'd rather not go through this spill again for the second time today. I was sure there was a better time to have this conversation.

"You sure?"

I nod slowly.

"Positive. I'm fine."

I go back to tossing fruits in the bag and Ryan chuckles.

"What's with all the fruit? Your bag's going to burst if you keep piling it on."

I'd hardly noticed that I'd mindlessly loaded my bag up with mangos, peaches, avocados and probably fruits I didn't even know the name of.

I shrug.

"It's spring. People like fruits in spring."

Ryan grins.

"You're a mess,"

If only he knew.

[cleverhottubmiracle]

When I was 38 years old, I was working as an accounting consultant and in good health—or so I thought. But in October 2020, I started feeling off. It came as a surprise, considering I exercised, ate well and did all of the things you’re “supposed” to do. But I found myself experiencing heart palpitations, shortness of breath and lightheadedness. At first, I thought maybe it was a hormonal issue. I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I knew something just wasn’t right with my body. And though I had no idea at the time, these were actually early symptoms of ventricular tachycardia (VT), or V-tach.  I suddenly passed out in my kitchen  One evening, when my husband was traveling for work, I picked up my two boys from soccer practice and got them ready for bed. I remember telling them to brush their teeth and say their prayers—the normal routine. I kissed them goodnight and said, “I’ll see you in the morning.” A short while later, I began experiencing the same heart palpitations, shortness of breath and dizziness I’d been feeling on and off all month. Only this time, it was much stronger. My heart began racing in my chest, so much so that it took my breath away. I started lowering my body to the kitchen floor, but before I could even sit down, I fell backward and passed out. Doctors discharged me without a diagnosis When I awakened, I was disoriented. I didn’t understand why I was on the kitchen floor or how long I’d been out. All I knew was that my head really hurt. I called my neighbors for help. One of them stayed at our house to be with the boys while they slept and the other drove me to the emergency room. At the ER, doctors ran all the tests and blood work they could and checked for a heart attack, but everything came back normal. The ER doctor didn’t know why I passed out, but because the test results were normal, he discharged me and recommended I follow up with a cardiologist. When I got home, I was unable to sleep.  I was terrified that if I closed my eyes, I wouldn’t wake back up and my kids would be left by themselves. It was a horrible feeling. Seeking a second opinion I made a cardiology appointment the next day. Even though I’d just had a whirlwind night in the ER, the cardiologist said my heart was fine and didn’t run any tests. He said, “You’re young, active and healthy. I don’t see anything wrong with you. It’s probably stress and anxiety.” I tried to push back, but he kept talking me out of my concerns to the point that I almost felt silly for thinking it was something more. Desperate to find someone who would actually listen to me, I reached out to a friend who put me in touch with an electrophysiologist. When I told him everything that happened, he wasted no time putting a heart rate monitor on me so that he could track my heartbeat while I was going about my everyday activities. Just a few days later, while my husband and I were in the carpool line picking up our kids, I got a call from the doctor.  A heart rate monitor alerted my doctor to V-tach symptoms I immediately knew that if a heart doctor is calling your cell phone, something is very wrong. He told me the monitor was showing signs of ventricular tachycardia symptoms, or V-tach. He urged me to go to the emergency room right away because my condition was life-threatening. When I got to the ER, they ran a cardiac MRI and found a little bit of scarring on my heart from a murmur that I’ve had since I was young. Murmurs are relatively common children, though, and doctors ultimately weren’t sure what caused my V-tach.  On the fourth day of my hospital stay, they decided the best way to prevent my heart from continuously going into V-tach—and potentially taking my life—was to surgically implant an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD). The device constantly monitors my heart rate and sends an electric shock when needed to stop an irregular heartbeat.  What is V-tach? Ventricular tachycardia “is a dangerous, abnormal heart rhythm that arises from the bottom chambers of the heart (the ventricles),” says Mohanakrishnan Sathyamoorthy, MD, Chair of Internal Medicine at Burnett School of Medicine at TCU. “It is so rapid that it does not allow for proper filling or ejection of blood from the heart, creating a life-threatening situation.” V-tach symptoms  Dr. Sathyamoorthy says someone with V-tach may experience symptoms such as: Dizziness or lightheadedness  Chest pain Rapid heartbeat (a healthy resting heartbeat is about 60 to 100 beats per minute)  Difficulty breathing Blacking out or fainting (syncope) While anyone’s heart can go into V-tach, Dr. Sathyamoorthy says the condition is uncommon. V-tach is most often associated with heart attacks, but also “certain types of cardiac disorders like advanced coronary artery disease (blocked heart arteries), cardiomyopathies (weakened or scarred heart muscle) or inherited electrical conditions of the heart called channelopathies.”  Dr. Sathyamoorthy says treatments for ventricular tachycardia includes procedures called ablations, defibrillators and medicine. An ICD can “detect V-tach with their sensors and can literally pace the heart out of the abnormality, but if not successful, then deliver a shock to reset the heart back into regular rhythm,” says Dr. Sathyamoorthy. The importance of trusting your gut When I went into the hospital, I thought I’d be there for a couple of hours. I ended up staying five days. Emotionally, I was in survival mode. I wanted to stay as strong as I could and let the doctors do whatever they needed to make sure I could get back home to my family. I went home the day after getting my ICD placed, and I was ready to see my kids, start healing and learn how to live with a device inside me. Today at 43, I’ve done a lot of work to accept the ICD as part of my body, something there to help my heart if it needs extra support. Aside from the ICD keeping my heart in a normal rhythm, I also take metoprolol twice a day. I make myself, my family and the things that make me happy a priority and take things day by day. I partnered with the American Heart Association (AHA) pretty quickly after my incident, and I’ve been sharing my story with different groups through luncheons like Go Red for Women and other events. I’ve found a lot of support through my involvement with the AHA. I hope that by sharing my story, women will trust their gut more often. I think we know when something isn’t quite right with our body, and it’s important to find a doctor who can properly assess you. It may not be the first or second doctor you see, but it’s important to find someone who will listen if something doesn’t feel right. As told to Cailey Griffin   This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[norajworld]

When I was 38 years old, I was working as an accounting consultant and in good health—or so I thought. But in October 2020, I started feeling off. It came as a surprise, considering I exercised, ate well and did all of the things you’re “supposed” to do. But I found myself experiencing heart palpitations, shortness of breath and lightheadedness. At first, I thought maybe it was a hormonal issue. I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I knew something just wasn’t right with my body. And though I had no idea at the time, these were actually early symptoms of ventricular tachycardia (VT), or V-tach.  I suddenly passed out in my kitchen  One evening, when my husband was traveling for work, I picked up my two boys from soccer practice and got them ready for bed. I remember telling them to brush their teeth and say their prayers—the normal routine. I kissed them goodnight and said, “I’ll see you in the morning.” A short while later, I began experiencing the same heart palpitations, shortness of breath and dizziness I’d been feeling on and off all month. Only this time, it was much stronger. My heart began racing in my chest, so much so that it took my breath away. I started lowering my body to the kitchen floor, but before I could even sit down, I fell backward and passed out. Doctors discharged me without a diagnosis When I awakened, I was disoriented. I didn’t understand why I was on the kitchen floor or how long I’d been out. All I knew was that my head really hurt. I called my neighbors for help. One of them stayed at our house to be with the boys while they slept and the other drove me to the emergency room. At the ER, doctors ran all the tests and blood work they could and checked for a heart attack, but everything came back normal. The ER doctor didn’t know why I passed out, but because the test results were normal, he discharged me and recommended I follow up with a cardiologist. When I got home, I was unable to sleep.  I was terrified that if I closed my eyes, I wouldn’t wake back up and my kids would be left by themselves. It was a horrible feeling. Seeking a second opinion I made a cardiology appointment the next day. Even though I’d just had a whirlwind night in the ER, the cardiologist said my heart was fine and didn’t run any tests. He said, “You’re young, active and healthy. I don’t see anything wrong with you. It’s probably stress and anxiety.” I tried to push back, but he kept talking me out of my concerns to the point that I almost felt silly for thinking it was something more. Desperate to find someone who would actually listen to me, I reached out to a friend who put me in touch with an electrophysiologist. When I told him everything that happened, he wasted no time putting a heart rate monitor on me so that he could track my heartbeat while I was going about my everyday activities. Just a few days later, while my husband and I were in the carpool line picking up our kids, I got a call from the doctor.  A heart rate monitor alerted my doctor to V-tach symptoms I immediately knew that if a heart doctor is calling your cell phone, something is very wrong. He told me the monitor was showing signs of ventricular tachycardia symptoms, or V-tach. He urged me to go to the emergency room right away because my condition was life-threatening. When I got to the ER, they ran a cardiac MRI and found a little bit of scarring on my heart from a murmur that I’ve had since I was young. Murmurs are relatively common children, though, and doctors ultimately weren’t sure what caused my V-tach.  On the fourth day of my hospital stay, they decided the best way to prevent my heart from continuously going into V-tach—and potentially taking my life—was to surgically implant an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD). The device constantly monitors my heart rate and sends an electric shock when needed to stop an irregular heartbeat.  What is V-tach? Ventricular tachycardia “is a dangerous, abnormal heart rhythm that arises from the bottom chambers of the heart (the ventricles),” says Mohanakrishnan Sathyamoorthy, MD, Chair of Internal Medicine at Burnett School of Medicine at TCU. “It is so rapid that it does not allow for proper filling or ejection of blood from the heart, creating a life-threatening situation.” V-tach symptoms  Dr. Sathyamoorthy says someone with V-tach may experience symptoms such as: Dizziness or lightheadedness  Chest pain Rapid heartbeat (a healthy resting heartbeat is about 60 to 100 beats per minute)  Difficulty breathing Blacking out or fainting (syncope) While anyone’s heart can go into V-tach, Dr. Sathyamoorthy says the condition is uncommon. V-tach is most often associated with heart attacks, but also “certain types of cardiac disorders like advanced coronary artery disease (blocked heart arteries), cardiomyopathies (weakened or scarred heart muscle) or inherited electrical conditions of the heart called channelopathies.”  Dr. Sathyamoorthy says treatments for ventricular tachycardia includes procedures called ablations, defibrillators and medicine. An ICD can “detect V-tach with their sensors and can literally pace the heart out of the abnormality, but if not successful, then deliver a shock to reset the heart back into regular rhythm,” says Dr. Sathyamoorthy. The importance of trusting your gut When I went into the hospital, I thought I’d be there for a couple of hours. I ended up staying five days. Emotionally, I was in survival mode. I wanted to stay as strong as I could and let the doctors do whatever they needed to make sure I could get back home to my family. I went home the day after getting my ICD placed, and I was ready to see my kids, start healing and learn how to live with a device inside me. Today at 43, I’ve done a lot of work to accept the ICD as part of my body, something there to help my heart if it needs extra support. Aside from the ICD keeping my heart in a normal rhythm, I also take metoprolol twice a day. I make myself, my family and the things that make me happy a priority and take things day by day. I partnered with the American Heart Association (AHA) pretty quickly after my incident, and I’ve been sharing my story with different groups through luncheons like Go Red for Women and other events. I’ve found a lot of support through my involvement with the AHA. I hope that by sharing my story, women will trust their gut more often. I think we know when something isn’t quite right with our body, and it’s important to find a doctor who can properly assess you. It may not be the first or second doctor you see, but it’s important to find someone who will listen if something doesn’t feel right. As told to Cailey Griffin   This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[chilimili212]

When I was 38 years old, I was working as an accounting consultant and in good health—or so I thought. But in October 2020, I started feeling off. It came as a surprise, considering I exercised, ate well and did all of the things you’re “supposed” to do. But I found myself experiencing heart palpitations, shortness of breath and lightheadedness. At first, I thought maybe it was a hormonal issue. I didn’t know exactly what was happening, but I knew something just wasn’t right with my body. And though I had no idea at the time, these were actually early symptoms of ventricular tachycardia (VT), or V-tach.  I suddenly passed out in my kitchen  One evening, when my husband was traveling for work, I picked up my two boys from soccer practice and got them ready for bed. I remember telling them to brush their teeth and say their prayers—the normal routine. I kissed them goodnight and said, “I’ll see you in the morning.” A short while later, I began experiencing the same heart palpitations, shortness of breath and dizziness I’d been feeling on and off all month. Only this time, it was much stronger. My heart began racing in my chest, so much so that it took my breath away. I started lowering my body to the kitchen floor, but before I could even sit down, I fell backward and passed out. Doctors discharged me without a diagnosis When I awakened, I was disoriented. I didn’t understand why I was on the kitchen floor or how long I’d been out. All I knew was that my head really hurt. I called my neighbors for help. One of them stayed at our house to be with the boys while they slept and the other drove me to the emergency room. At the ER, doctors ran all the tests and blood work they could and checked for a heart attack, but everything came back normal. The ER doctor didn’t know why I passed out, but because the test results were normal, he discharged me and recommended I follow up with a cardiologist. When I got home, I was unable to sleep.  I was terrified that if I closed my eyes, I wouldn’t wake back up and my kids would be left by themselves. It was a horrible feeling. Seeking a second opinion I made a cardiology appointment the next day. Even though I’d just had a whirlwind night in the ER, the cardiologist said my heart was fine and didn’t run any tests. He said, “You’re young, active and healthy. I don’t see anything wrong with you. It’s probably stress and anxiety.” I tried to push back, but he kept talking me out of my concerns to the point that I almost felt silly for thinking it was something more. Desperate to find someone who would actually listen to me, I reached out to a friend who put me in touch with an electrophysiologist. When I told him everything that happened, he wasted no time putting a heart rate monitor on me so that he could track my heartbeat while I was going about my everyday activities. Just a few days later, while my husband and I were in the carpool line picking up our kids, I got a call from the doctor.  A heart rate monitor alerted my doctor to V-tach symptoms I immediately knew that if a heart doctor is calling your cell phone, something is very wrong. He told me the monitor was showing signs of ventricular tachycardia symptoms, or V-tach. He urged me to go to the emergency room right away because my condition was life-threatening. When I got to the ER, they ran a cardiac MRI and found a little bit of scarring on my heart from a murmur that I’ve had since I was young. Murmurs are relatively common children, though, and doctors ultimately weren’t sure what caused my V-tach.  On the fourth day of my hospital stay, they decided the best way to prevent my heart from continuously going into V-tach—and potentially taking my life—was to surgically implant an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD). The device constantly monitors my heart rate and sends an electric shock when needed to stop an irregular heartbeat.  What is V-tach? Ventricular tachycardia “is a dangerous, abnormal heart rhythm that arises from the bottom chambers of the heart (the ventricles),” says Mohanakrishnan Sathyamoorthy, MD, Chair of Internal Medicine at Burnett School of Medicine at TCU. “It is so rapid that it does not allow for proper filling or ejection of blood from the heart, creating a life-threatening situation.” V-tach symptoms  Dr. Sathyamoorthy says someone with V-tach may experience symptoms such as: Dizziness or lightheadedness  Chest pain Rapid heartbeat (a healthy resting heartbeat is about 60 to 100 beats per minute)  Difficulty breathing Blacking out or fainting (syncope) While anyone’s heart can go into V-tach, Dr. Sathyamoorthy says the condition is uncommon. V-tach is most often associated with heart attacks, but also “certain types of cardiac disorders like advanced coronary artery disease (blocked heart arteries), cardiomyopathies (weakened or scarred heart muscle) or inherited electrical conditions of the heart called channelopathies.”  Dr. Sathyamoorthy says treatments for ventricular tachycardia includes procedures called ablations, defibrillators and medicine. An ICD can “detect V-tach with their sensors and can literally pace the heart out of the abnormality, but if not successful, then deliver a shock to reset the heart back into regular rhythm,” says Dr. Sathyamoorthy. The importance of trusting your gut When I went into the hospital, I thought I’d be there for a couple of hours. I ended up staying five days. Emotionally, I was in survival mode. I wanted to stay as strong as I could and let the doctors do whatever they needed to make sure I could get back home to my family. I went home the day after getting my ICD placed, and I was ready to see my kids, start healing and learn how to live with a device inside me. Today at 43, I’ve done a lot of work to accept the ICD as part of my body, something there to help my heart if it needs extra support. Aside from the ICD keeping my heart in a normal rhythm, I also take metoprolol twice a day. I make myself, my family and the things that make me happy a priority and take things day by day. I partnered with the American Heart Association (AHA) pretty quickly after my incident, and I’ve been sharing my story with different groups through luncheons like Go Red for Women and other events. I’ve found a lot of support through my involvement with the AHA. I hope that by sharing my story, women will trust their gut more often. I think we know when something isn’t quite right with our body, and it’s important to find a doctor who can properly assess you. It may not be the first or second doctor you see, but it’s important to find someone who will listen if something doesn’t feel right. As told to Cailey Griffin   This content is not a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis. Always consult your physician before pursuing any treatment plan. Source link

[khande11]

Millie Winchester- Season 1

Scarecrow- 2

By morning, Mateo had driven Millie to a nearby diner, after she had finally stopped crying. Mateo watched sympathetically across the table at Millie, who was pushing around her salad with a fork, her eyes bloodshot. Mateo reached across and placed his hand on top of hers.

"You okay?" 

Millie sighed, putting down her fork. "I guess."

"You don't... You don't have to pretend, you know?" Mateo told her, causing Millie to look up, curiously. "What just happened was... bad. And you can tell me how you really feel."

Millie looked around, then pushed her plate away to lean her arms on the table. "I'm scared... for both of them. I don't know what either of them are doing. I'm also upset that they're not talking to each other. I'm annoyed at myself because I couldn't stop them from walking away and I'm nervous that they think I don't care because I didn't go with them, but I just... couldn't choose."

Mateo watched as Millie placed her head in her hands when she finished her rant.

"Ok, listen. I understand that you're scared, but I have known you three a long time and trust me, all of you Winchesters are tough. Okay?" Millie nodded. 

"Secondly, right now they're just in a fight. Considering our lives and what we deal with everyday, this is a very normal thing for siblings to do. They can work it out, they just need some time." 

"Third; do not blame yourself. I wouldn't be surprised if you were the reason they lasted this long without killing each other. You're going through stuff, just like them and you can't be expected to play referee, too." 

"And lastly... they know you love them. They're not going to blame you for not choosing, because I bet if they were given the choice, they wouldn't have been able to pick either. It's better to just let them sort themselves out and you'll be there when they've calmed down and taken their heads out of their asses."

Millie giggled at that last line, feeling better after being able to let out everything that was on her mind, but also having Mateo there to support her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, on another note. Why the hell did you pick a salad?" Mateo asked with a curious smile, as Millie laughed.

"I... felt sad, and I wanted to eat something that made me feel sad, I guess."

"Oh, okay, well that's crap." Mateo told her, looking behind her shoulder at the door to the kitchen. "Which is why I made the decision of ordering us something that will cheer us up."

Millie looked confused until the waitress placed their plates on the table. Millie's eyes widened as she saw the stack of waffles with strawberries and a mountain of whipped cream on top. She looked at Mateo, who had ordered the same, then excitedly grabbed her fork to dig in.

***************

After leaving the diner, the two had managed to find a motel with a room available. Millie was lying on one of the beds with John's journal, while Matty was in the bathroom getting changed. When he came out, he noticed the book in her hands, that she had been writing in.

"What are you doing?"

"Just making notes. It's my dad's journal. I just thought I'd add about some of the things, we'd encountered." Millie explained, turning the book to face him. "What do you think?"

"That's really good!" Mateo laughed in awe, taking a seat on the end of her bed.

"Thanks." Millie smiled, bashfully.

"Is that... that's not... Bloody Mary, is it?"

"Yeah, it is."

"You saw her? She was a case?" Mateo asked, incredulously.

"Yeah, she was. There was this spirit of a woman who was murdered, and she was trapped in mirrors, killing anyone who was guilty of having caused someone's death."

"How'd you stop her?"

"We found the original mirror she died in front of and smashed it, then Dean made her face her own guilt." Millie explained, waving her hands excitedly as she recapped the case. She stopped when she noticed Matty watching her with a soft smile. "What?"

"Nothing, just... you're amazing, you know that?" Mateo grinned. Millie blushed, causing Matty's eyes to widen in realisation. "I mean... your whole family is amazing. You Winchesters are next level."

Millie had a knowing smile on her face as she watched Mateo avoid eye contact and nervously head to his bed. "Thanks."

***************

Later that night, Millie was woken by her cell phone ringing. Trying not to wake Mateo, she quickly and quietly answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mil." The voice on the phone replied. Millie sat up in surprise.

"Dean. What's going on? Are you ok?"

"I'm good, I'm okay." Dean assured her. "Look, I just wanted to say; I'm sorry for ditching you. I know it was crap to make you choose, but I think I just needed a breather."

"It's okay, Dean."

"Good. You still with Matty?"

"Yeah, yeah, he gave me a ride."

"I knew he would." Millie could hear the grin in his voice and rolled her eyes.

"Anyway... what's up with the case?"

"Oh, yeah, turns out a scarecrow's been coming to life and going after the couples."

"Seriously? Was the Tinman and Toto there, too?"

"Funny. So, what do you think?"

"Hmm, maybe pagan god. I mean, given the annual killing and the fact that it's always a couple. Anything else beside the scarecrow?"

"Oh, yeah. The town; seriously creepy. Think they've seen 'Children of the Corn' one too many times."

"Could make sense then. Find a couple driving through town and you've got yourself a couple of sacrifices. You sure you can handle this?"

"Yeah, I've got this. Thanks for the help. I'll talk to you later."

"Dean."

"Yeah?"

"Talk to Sam."

"Millie..."

"Dean, with the line of work we're in, we really can't afford to hold grudges. Just... let him know what's going on, ok. For me." Millie pleaded. She heard her brother sigh on the other end.

"Ok, yeah, fine. I'll give him a call now."

"Thank you. Stay safe. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Millie sighed, lying back in her bed. She chewed on her lip, wondering whether she should catch up with Dean or not.

[articulatedbyleilani]

Dear Donnel,

If you're reading this blog, I hope it helps you understand me a little bit better. I hope it gives you clarity. This journal goes in order and I hope it helps you understand the "whys". This blog is my truth and I hope you understand that.

I've always wanted the best for myself, for you and for us.

I've done my absolute best and so have you, but what we think being a good partner is has so much more to it then either of us realized.

Aside from all of my accomplishments, nothing has made me feel more fulfilled then being your person, you being mine. Nothing has made me feel more fulfilled knowing you were able to bring your problems to me because you trusted me to help you figure them out. Nothing has made me feel more fulfilled knowing that the both of us worked our asses off everyday to better our future, especially on days we don't want to get out of bed. I miss everything. My most favorite part of the days were when I'd come home and tend to my wifey duties in order to make sure you ended the day on a good note. Greeting you at the top of the stairs with a big, cheesy, nervous smile. You taking your evening poop and scroll, taking a hot, relaxing shower while listening to your pod cast, while I laid your clothes out for you. Nothing made me feel better than seeing you head to the kitchen, to take your supplements, drink your tea, say "oh my gosh!" to a podcast, then head to the bar top to eat a warm, cooked meal I prepared for you, following it with your sun flower seeds. Nothing made me feel better than you finishing your night routine to cuddle on the couch with me, skin to skin until you were ready for me to fill up your wader and head to bed. Nothing felt better than heading to bed, making sure all the fans were on, you had the right blanket, I had the mini fan ready to keep you cool, while having you hugging me and then I'd scratch your head until I recognized a change in the way you were breathing and the way your body slowly relaxed in my arms, letting me know you were finally asleep. Nothing felt better than surprising you with smoothies and pineapples mid sleep. Nothing felt better than being your safety and rest.

I've liked being alone the last 3 weeks because it gave me time to reflect and think, but I know I prefer being alone with you. I've been so uneasy since our break up. I hate that things are what they are and that we're not doing anything about it. It hurts that we went from being each other's back bone to barely speaking. It hurts knowing I can't be there through everything I know you're dealing with. It hurts that I'm constantly worried about you, to the point where I'm barely sleeping incase you ever need to call me. It hurt's, even with god by both of our sides.

18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18 NIV

All I want is for us to work everything out, be better together, better for ourselves and better for each other. I want both of us to recognize our faults and the areas we lack in and improve them together. I want GOD at the center of our relationship because like the bible says, a cord of 3 strands is not easily broken. I want us to put each others minds at ease. You're the first person to ever make me walk in love, I want all my last to be with you, now, always and forever. If it's not you, I promise it isn't anybody. I would be willing to work harder than ever to get everything we had back and better.

Before it's even a thought in your mind, I can't even imagine dating or sleeping with somebody else. I can't imagine loving somebody else. And even if we figure things out and end up getting back together and better, i'd be willing to wait until marriage before we sleep with each other again.

Looking back now and admitting my faults, I've been so stubborn. I've been stuck in my ways. I've hurt you without being aware of it. I should've showed up for you more. I will also admit that I too, also need to be better at praising you and showing how much I appreciate you. To say I'm sorry is an understatement. But to say I'm okay with us never speaking again or trying to fix this would be a lie. My biggest fear as of now, is that you put me in a position where I refuse to ever speak to you again.

I love you, so much.

I miss you, more than I ever have.

Sincerely,

Poopy girl

[evedreamsof]

trauma // c. oftana

entry #55

TW: pedophilia eve talks with a heavy heart

eve stayed in the living room, her legs up and her arms wrapped around it, her knees underneath her chin. she wasn’t affected by stories like those anymore, but this one hit differently, she just couldn’t figure out why. ‘why now?’ she thought. ‘i was okay. i was doing well. i can’t tell calvin about this. especially with khalel having a fever.’

but before she could compose herself, calvin appeared from the kitchen and reached for the remote. “leloy’s asleep, looks like he’s feeling better. ena told me that she’d be skipping work tomorrow for him.”

“that’s nice,” she murmured. she willed herself to sound relieved like she was not feeling anything other than worry for the baby. “i’m glad.”

calvin sat down beside her and dropped the remote. “are you okay?”

“i’m fine,” she replied. “i’m fine. khalel is who we should be worried about. good that he’s feeling better.”

he turned his body to face her. “eve.”

“i’m fine,” she stressed. “i’m fine.”

but calvin wouldn’t have it. he wrapped his arms around her and said, “you’re not okay and i want to know why. i need to know why. i want to help you. please let me help you. please, eve. please.”

eve leaned on him and began to sob. “i’m supposed to be okay. i’m supposed to have healed. why is everything coming back to me like it just happened yesterday.” she clutched his shirt and said, “i can’t do this, calvin. i can’t talk about it. not now.”

he kissed the top of her head. “okay. okay. i won’t force you. you tell me when you’re ready.”

days passed and eve could tell calvin was worried sick about her. khalel was feeling much better so that was one relief. the baby was supposed to be with them that week but calvin had asked ena to take care of him for awhile.

everyday, calvin would sit very close to her that sometimes she could hardly breathe. but she knew it was because he loved her and wanted her to feel better. she wanted to tell him already, but she wasn’t ready yet. maybe soon.

one day, calvin was having a bad day, but he still continued to care for her. after a slight inconvenience with the microwave, eve had had enough. it was bad enough that he was trying his best to make her feel better, she couldn’t possibly feel like she was a burden.

“my munchkin,” she called after his fifth curse. “can you come here for a second?”

“you want anything from the kitchen?” he asked.

she smiled. even when things were going south, he still wanted to make her feel that he loved her. “maybe some hot cocoa with marshmallows?”

“you got it, my penguin.”

after a few minutes, calvin approached her with two mugs in his hands. “alright, here’s your cacoa, and here is mine.” he placed them down on the coffee table and warned her it was still hot. “can’t have you burning your tongue. you won’t be able to feel mine.” he smirked.

she giggled and then instructed him to sit beside her. he did so and locked her in an embrace from behind. “i’m ready to tell you.”

“really?” he asked, surprised. “don’t force yourself, my penguin. it’s okay if you aren’t really ready to.”

“no,” she said while shaking her head. “i’m ready.”

and with a deep breath, she exhaled and started.

“when i was fifteen, i made an online friend. he was much older. i think early thirties, if i’m not mistaken. he was very nice at first. and well, i don’t really know what happened but at some point, we talked a lot about sex.”

she felt his hold on her tighten. “did he force you to do anything?”

she shook her head. “that’s the thing. he didn’t have to force me to do anything. i allowed myself to do it. i was fifteen and i thought i was all grown up. you know, an adult.” she scoffed. “how wrong i was.”

she leaned her head back onto his chest. “pictures were sent back and forth. at first, it was innocent, then it became a bit more revealing…until finally, everything was off.” she sniffled. “i didn’t think much of it during those moments. i didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at all. then one day, we just stopped communicating. i don’t remember how that happened, i don’t know how it happened but it just…vanished. and i guess that was a good thing.”

“it was a good thing.”

“it was, yes.” she sighed. “i think that’s one reason why my depression sort of like, activated, or something. at some point, i knew it was wrong but i ignored it.” she sniffled again. “i…i don’t know what happened to him after that. probably went to jail. sodomized. killed. i don’t know, i don’t care.”

calvin kissed the top of her head. “i’m sure he got what he deserved. for corrupting an innocent mind. for making you feel dirty.”

she swallowed. “i’ve always wondered what would happen if i realized how wrong that was at an early point.” she shrugged. “he probably victimized others as well. pedophiles don’t stop until they’re caught. well, those who do something about their sick mind.”

they both shifted on the couch, allowing themselves to fully face each other. they didn’t speak. they just looked into each other’s eyes. hers glistened as her tears fell, and his were boring into hers, as if she was all he could see. and maybe she was.

“calvin,” she started, “i’m sorry for not telling you sooner. i got scared.”

“no,” he said. he raised his hand and wiped her tears away before holding her chin. “no. i get why you didn’t want to say anything. what happened to you was very traumatizing, yes. and i don’t blame you for whatever you did.”

“but–”

“no.” he raised his other hand and his thumb rubbed her cheek. “no. it wasn’t your fault. none of it was, okay? and i know what you’re thinking. know that i don’t love you any less. i am glad you told me about this, it’s going to help me understand you more. and i want to understand you more. i love you and nothing will ever change that.”

she nodded and looked down, but calvin tilted her head up. “hey. i promise, i will help you get through everything you need. i’ll be right here beside you. forever.”

she smiled “thank you.”

he leaned in to kiss her. it was soft and gentle. eve knew he did not want to go straight at it. he probably didn’t want to shock her after listening to her story. it was her who deepened the kiss, her who asked for entrance, which he willingly complied.

“i don’t feel dirty when i’m with you,” she mururmed against his lips.

“yeah?” he smiled, his lips grazing hers. “i’m glad.”

they separated and calvin brought her close to him. “thank you for telling me.”

“i was afraid you’d be disgusted.”

“no. no. never.” he tucked her head under his chin. “our hot cocoa is getting cold.”

“i’m getting cold,” she said.

he smiled. “i can warm you up.”

[sneakers-and-shakes]

The 15 Minute Method

“Alexa, start a timer for 15 minutes” is how I’ve started writing this blog post. I’ve been struggling to figure out what to write about for this month’s update and haven’t really been able to come up with anything, but conversely, I’m not sure if I’ve really sat down and tried either.

It’s hard to get myself to start writing when I don’t really know what it should be about.

A friend of mine told me about a technique she uses to get herself to start doing something, which is to set a timer for fifteen minutes and just start with the objective to get as much done in those 15 minutes as possible.

It’s easy to get overwhelmed with a list of to-dos and it’s hard to feel like you have the time to properly dedicate to those things. But the beauty of this method is that it gets you going and you realize just how much you can accomplish in fifteen minutes.

It’s a good way to tackle a few things everyday instead of everything all at once too. At the end of the fifteen minutes you can just stop and call it for the day and you have already made progress towards your goal or your list.

It’s definitely a lot further than where you started. For me, with six minutes to go on my timer I’m at least 231 words in so far which is 231 words more than I had about nine minutes ago.

It’s pretty simple but let me lay out the steps to using this method:

1. Choose a task, a list item, anything you need or want to get done without any regard for how long you think it will actually take

                -even if you think something will take more than 15 minutes, for example, writing a blog post, choose it anyway. You don’t have to do the whole thing all at once and usually the bigger tasks that feel more overwhelming are the ones we don’t choose and keep putting off which is why it helps to make a dent in it through this method

                -you can also break something big down too, say your goal is only to declutter or organize one drawer instead of your whole kitchen

2. Set a timer for fifteen (or twenty if you’re feeling spicy) minutes and only do that task for the whole amount of time until the timer goes off

3. At the end of the fifteen minutes you can just stop without any pressure to keep going as you’ve done your part. If you do want to keep going then set another 15 minute timer to keep you on track without burning out

“Alexa, set another timer for 15 minutes” is how I’m ending this blog post, to go back through and edit or add to it, create the visuals, move this online and cross-post on tumblr.

This one task that has been eating at me from my to-do list is actually complete, and it really took fifteen minutes once I sat down and dedicated that time for it.

I think you’ll be surprised at how much you get done too once you try this out and I’d love to hear how it goes for you if you do!

I hope this helped and I’ll see you next month!